The Knowingness of This

I cannot answer. I am disqualified from answering.

There were moments in my meditation where there’s an urge to stop.

‘STOP. What are you doing this for? Aren’t you happy just as it is? What is all this grief of looking for yourself?’ - that’s how it sounds like in my head for a while.

When the dialogue is exhausted - I go back to the object of my meditation.

‘Who is experiencing this? Who am I?’ These questions felt barren before but recently they felt more immediate and alive. No matter how much this question is asked - there is no answer. I cannot answer. I am disqualified from answering.

As my mind began to quiet and focus on the I AM, I can still hear and feel some patches of the world. In that place I noticed a quality.

I surprised myself - like hey I KNOW MYSELF. I can know myself! And this knowing is also the same knowing of everything. This may be an empty box but it is seeing itself. It is hearing itself. It is feeling itself.

It just felt so obvious. I had indeed been traveling far and wide just to realize that what I’m looking for is right where I am.